Shhhhhh.....

Can you keep a secret? Well you know the truth is some days I worry that I am not cut out to do this at all.
I can't really tell anyone that because the first reaction is, "well put them in school"
I often think I either am a martyr or people think I am. I can't always figure out the truth. If a kid in school is doing poorly or acting out you don't often hear, "Well just pull him out and homeschool him" but as homeschoolers life has to be perfect or people question us and I sincerely think they don't really want to help b/c well, we did this to ourselves. Just put them in school..as though that would solve all the problems. In my opinion I really think it would create more problems but again...no one wants to hear that.
So my blog has pictures of smiling learning children in their happy carefree homeschooled life. There are no pictures of the bad mommy AKA teacher moments. There are no photos of the worry I have for my daughter and how something is just not right. How I see her struggling in some inside way that has nothing to do with homeschooling but will assuredly be blamed on it.
I joke that she is not "that way" b/c we homeschool but rather we homeschool b/c she is "that way".
Her anxiety peaks and puts everyone on edge. I hear, even my husband's thoughts, "Put her in school"
and sometimes when I am on my last ounce of patience..I want her in school but not for any other reason then; I need her to get into enough trouble, that someone looks into it. That someone says, "this child needs help" That something IS wrong. I don't know how to to go about telling someone what I see when it's so hard to explain anxiety and not have it sound like a child who needs to be disciplined more effectively or a child, who of course is like that, b/c she is homeschooled.
But Shhhhh don't tell anyone about that.